Written By Jerome Segers
Posted on September 30th, 2007
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Okay, so this feature has accidently turned bi-weekly instead of weekly. I got a dent in the page work this week so I figured I had enough free time to do it this week. It's not that much work, but it does help if I actually watch some damn television during the week lol.

I should say I'm a little salty over the fact I'm the only person who subscribes to the RSS feed according to my stats. Um, why? I know paq-land isn't the most buzzing place on the web right now, but why the hell aren't my friends subscribed?

Y'all are droppin' the ball lol. I know I post shit on Facebook too, but damn. RSS isn't even that complicated -- shit.. RSS stands for "really SIMPLE syndication". Hit one of the buttons to the left and get the news through Google or Yahoo. Technology is FUN.

Anyways, now on to this week's absolutely packed round up:

HOW YOOZOIN'?

Kanye West has probably beat out Paris Hilton in the amount of news posts I've done about a single person in a 2 week span. Atleast Kanye is likably annoying, and he proved that by getting tipsy as fuck on The Wendy Williams Experience this week.

Wendy was providing alcohol for 'Ye through the entire interview and by the end of it he was GONE. After it was over, this gem of a video was captured by VH1 cameras:

I don't care who you are, that shit's funny. LMAO, he's all up in the camera lens and shit. It's like he got drenched in that feel good slime from the ending of Ghostbusters 2. Good to see he's a happy drunk though. I hope somebody in Hollywood gives this guy a reality show deal with tons of liquor. He's wildin' out 24/7... God, Remember him on Punk'd? LOL!!! "THIS IS OUR FILM! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!"

JUSTIN & BEYONCE: UNTIL THE END OF TIME (REMIX)

Hitting the internet this week is Beyoncé's remix of Justin Timberlake's slow jam "Until The End Of Time" off his triple platinum "FutureSex/LoveSounds" album. How many singles is the dude going to have off of this thing anyways? Him and Timbaland's other pet project, Nelly Furtado, have basically released their entire albums to radio over the past year and a half. You know, I still find it odd I still haven't actually reviewed JT's album yet after all this time lol..

Anyways, I can dig this remix. Not a big Beyoncé fan, but she did her thing here. What do you guys think?

KEYSHIA COLE SHOULDA CHEATED

If you didn't know, R&B singer Keyshia Cole and southern rapper Young Jeezy were an item for awhile. Unlike a lot of hip hop odd couples, I thought this match up was straight. Well, I guess it's over now since it's come to light that The Snowman was involved with somebody else the entire time. Real dirty, Jeezy.

Fellas, do you really wanna get on the bad side of Keyshia? She's from the 'hood, afterall... and black girls get kind of nutty in situations like this. I'm sure if she wasn't famous she would have chopped Jeezy's dick off or something crazy like that by now lol. Oh well, Jeezy always reminded me of that yellow peanut M&M from the commercials anyways... Everytime I see a bag of those I just gotta say "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaah".

NICKELODEON HAS JUMPED THE SHARK (AGAIN)

On Saturday (9/29), the popular kids network shut down from noon to 3pm in an effort to encourage kids to go outside and *gasp!* play. How incredibly fat are kids of this generation where programming has to come to a complete stop to get them off their asses? This shit never happened when I was younger lol. True, my generation didn't grow up in the era of Playstation 3, computers, and 900 channels on TV, but get real, we still had our own distractions lol.

Mya appeared on Nick Jr's "Yo Gabba Gabba" and well. How she found the time to do this and not release her fucking album that keeps getting delayed is beyond me.

Yeeeahh... that's um, interesting. Although, that dance was pretty hot. It's a lot better than that Soulja Boy crap. Hell, I might bust out that squish-squish shit at a party one day.

ZANESSA?

Zac Efron and his nympho girlie, Vanessa Hudgens, recently scored their own special magazine promoting the uber hit High School Musical 2 and their relationship called "Zanessa". Ugh.

Alright, so Hudgens has already fucked up by having a nude photo leak, so enough with this teeny bopper shit and let's skip to the sex tape. Although, I'm sure it'd be boring because Zac won't know where to put his penis.

Zac: Does that feel good Vanessa?

Vanessa: Um, that's my ear.

Zac: Oops. Let's start over... Okay, how about now?

Vanessa: Dammit, that's my nostril.

Zac: DARN IT! WHERE DOES THIS THING GO?!

Vanessa: In my eye socket, silly.

Zac: Wait, won't that hurt?

Vanessa: Well, yeah, but they say sex is supposed to hurt the first time. I'm sure after I go blind and get my eye scooped out it'll be a lot better.

Zac: Alright, here it goes.

*Goofy walks in the room*

Goofy: WHAT IN TARN-NATION IS GOIN' ON IN HERE?! I SAY, A-HYOOK.

Zac: Goof, we can explain..

Goofy: (smiling) You guys are noobs. It ain't a party unless we got Pluto.

Zac & Vanessa: Pluto? The dog?

Goofy: (taking out a condom) A-hyook, gosh, y'all act like you ain't never fucked a dog before.

*Pluto walks in, Donald Duck is following behind rolling a blunt*

Want more pop culture rantings? Check out "The Round Up" Archive right here!