On August 31, dorks and geeks everywhere hung their collective heads in shame as Iron Man flew into Disney headquarters, seductively bent over, and took Mickey Mouse's wang up his ass. Tony took it for the team.
Shit, for 4 billion smackers, you'd probably take the rodent schlong with no lube your self (I'd do it for $7,000 actually. I'd take the nigga in the suit at Disney World for that much scrilla -- I have no shame!!), so can you really blame every Marvel comic character forming a single file line to dome up the likes of Goofy, Donald Duck, Pluto, and others?
While some bloggers have joked about ideas of what this merger of the two entertainment giants could mean, like Bambi joining the X-Men or something equally as silly in premise, I like the decision Disney and Marvel made. It's not like the company has a horrible track record with creating and maintaining intellectual properties.
If anything, they have the Midas touch in this field, as any idiot can look at franchises like High School Musical, The Cheetah Girls, and Hannah Montana -- whether they like them personally or not -- and see they know how to market their brands perfectly. In addition to that, one can also look at how successful the Kingdom Hearts franchise is with Square Enix. They didn't butcher the characters from Final Fantasy at all with the cutesy-smootsey Disney spin. I'm amazed Mickey hasn't tried to officially slip his gloved hand down Sephiroth's tight pants yet, actually.
Can you imagine a Disney/Square/Marvel mash-up? OMG! *wets self*
And I can't say I didn't see this coming; Marvel cartoons from the 90s are all over Disney's XD channel if you haven't noticed. These shows have been airing on the network for two plus years now it seems. I never minded it, and certainly don't see how it can be an issue now (unless Marvel changes their name to "Disney Comics" -- which would make every dork on the planet pull a Kurt Cobain in unison).
Marvel's sale does not affect the licensing deals other movie studios, like Paramount, Sony, and Fox, already hold on key franchises like the X-Men, Spider-Man, and Iron Man. Shame, I'd love to see Marvel Studios and Disney tackle a Daredevil reboot or see what Pixar could do with some things.
Speaking of reboots, Variety reports The Fantasic Four series is getting the shock treatment from Fox soon. Um, how the hell can you reboot something that already had a sequel, under the exact same studio umbrella, without even waiting 5 years since the last film?! I had no real beef with either movie, other than I just find the source material pretty vanilla to begin with.
They can try to restart the property all day, everyday if they wanted; you still got four lame-ass characters to write about. I'm sure Disney could find an angle to make this quartet work on the big screen and magically make me care, but that's just a pipe dream now. And, I know Hulk got rebooted, but like I said, FF wasn't nearly as big of an abomination (excuse the pun) as the green machine's 2003 appearance. That's like doing Batman over again right after Dark Knight. It's fucking stupid!
Zac Efron as Peter Parker, though? Could work -- atleast that dance scene from Spider-Man 3 wouldn't have been so awkward with "Troy" in it.
