September 17th, 2006

The deal had been reached, so Jackoff said they'd need to get in the studio ASAP to cut a record. He suggested afterschool, but Momdukes wasn't feelin' it.

I forgot what they worked out exactly (cut me some slack, this review has taken over 2 months to write lol -- I forget things), but I do know they had to either pick between having time to practice for the talent show or record songs for the album on Saturday (they're the same day) since the demo they were going to do was only going to take them a week. Naturally, they decided to take the more profitable route of making a pop album while dropping out of the talent show (Moonpie says she'll think of a way to inform the music teacher lady without offending her). So with the deal inked, the girls are pop superstars now, right?

Well, no, but Moonpie sure thinks so. While the rest of the cheetahs are keeping a fairly level head, Moonpie is getting an ego bigger than mine at a rapid pace (and that's not good for those of you keeping score at home). The next day at lunch, she's bragging to everyone in the cafeteria about her meeting with Def Duck Records. The ego trip ends up annoying everyone instead of impressing them, including the rest of the group. Moonpie even goes over to the newspaper staff to give them some shitty press kit or something (see below). I guess wearing sun glasses indoors means you're big time.

In one funny scene after lunch, Cheeto, String Bean, and Twinkie are all walking in the hallway when they see posters promoting the new "Cheetah Girls Hate Club" plastered all over the place.. Oh goody, where can I sign up? These haters even put up a site! Man, these guys work faster than me!! A whole hate site put up with advertising all over the school in less than 2 hours? WOW, I need these guys on my staff, muy rapido por favor.

Twinkie gets pretty angry, so her and String Bean start to get hella extra stank with Cheeto like "We think SOMEBODY needs to talk to Moonpie, and we say somebody, we mean YOU," all while staring a hole in her. Cheeto says she'll get to it, which would not have been a sufficient answer for me. I mean, look how stank they're getting with her in the pic lol. They look like they're ready to beat her down on the spot. If I were them, I would have taken a crowbar to her knee to let her know I meant business... but since that's a tad too over the top for a kiddy movie, I would have given her a swirlie and demanded her left shoe. I'd then come back to get the right shoe the next day and proceed with taking an article of her clothing each day until she'd have to come to school naked, in a burlap sack, or my personal favorite -- the barrell.

When it was time to practice for the talent show, Moonpie decides to tell the music teacher, Drinka, that they're dropping out of it. She said something off key and ended up offending the teacher anyways lol, I think she said "opportunity is knocking Drinka, and when it's gone you just can't get it back". HAHA, G STATUS.

Moonpie then turned her attention to Twinkie.

She said that Twinkie's clothes looked pretty "to' up from tha flo' up" and that she should get a new wardrobe. She picked out some choice selections that would be just dandy for her, as well.

Since we all (the viewers) know that Twinks is poor, she gets offended, tears up the paper Moonie handed to her, and storms out. She decides to put her time into dancing instead. I forgot why Twinkie dances at the dance studio thingie so much after school, (maybe it's for money on the side??) but she was magically offered a contract to dance with this elite group or something and get PAID. The details aren't important (lol), all you need to know is that she needed her parents permission to go tour with these fools, but (dun dun dun!) she doesn't have any parents!!

The drama in this movie is too much for one man to take!