May 26th, 2007

[Note] This rant may bring back some old ass memories if your about 19 to 25 (rough estimate) so don't feel too bad if you feel really old after this rant is completed, thanks.

Ahh, the late 80's and early 90's cartoons.. I'm sorry, but being part of and growing up in that era just kicked all kinds of ass. I was inspired to write this rant after browsing good ol' YouTube and looking at some of my favorite shows. Now being that I'm not your average girl, I wasn't watching "My Little Pony," "Rainbow Brite," or any of that shit because we all know the boys got the better cartoons like X-Men, TMNT, Thundercats, Voltron, He-Man, Conan, etc. I mean, shit, girls didn't really have much in the action field until Sailor Moon came out (more on that later).

But to address the main topic at hand, I look at some of these classic and fucking awesome shows and I compare them today's action cartoons, and I mean it's all just fucking weak. I'm asking you, the reader, what are some action cartoons that come on in the USA that aren't anime or remakes of the old shows we used to watch? I got like three I can think of --"Ben 10," "Teen Titans," and "Totally Spies".

"Ben 10" is about a snotty little ass biscuit who gets a special watch and can turn into different aliens. "Teen Titans" was cool while it was on, but it may as well have been Americanized anime because it borrowed alot of elements from anime so it lost it's originality in that sense.

And finally, "Totally Spies" is about 3 stupid bitches who have nothing really extraordinary about them, one's a red head who's just the leader, the blonde is a whore, and the black haired one is a fucking clutz. So how are they qualified to be spies? And from Beverly Hills no less?

Give me a fucking break, not to mention (yet again) that it borrows from anime.

Now here's a test, this is the intro  to "Conan: The Adventurer". It debuted in '92 and it basically told the story of Conan fucking people up across the world.

Now here is Ben 10's intro.. Please be very afraid of the faggotry about to be played.

Now after all that w. t. f.? What happened to the standards of being a kickass hero? With Conan's intro you're about 20 seconds into the fucking clip and dude is beating the shit out of skeletons; just about each frame of animation has him or his friends beating the shit out of people. When it's all said and done what are you more drawn into? With Ben 10, I feel like I need to zip up some go-go boots and dance like a doofus in the kitchen. With Conan (and this is from a females point of view), he's all manly and hardcore, with like no clothes on and has long black hair. When his intro is over I'm ready for the ass kickery that is ensured for like the next 30 mins.

Now come on...  Conan is a better idol for young boys then Ben 10 is. Aren't parents supposed to be telling their boys to grow up  big and strong? I guess not since in today's world, Conan would probally be "too violent" for the young fragile minds of American's youth, since whenever something is deemed "too violent" in any kind of media form, it's always the tube's fault and never the stupid ass parents who need a scapegoat for their lame ass parenting skills. 

So now I hear moans and complains about how it isn't "fair" since Ben is like 10 and Conan is like 27 or whatever.. Well take into consideration that these are the only action cartoons currently playing in America that aren't friggin' anime or a remake of the 80's and 90's shows.

So here's our next example..

Here is the orignal X-Men animated series opening from 1992.

Now's here's the Teen Titans Intro:

Hmm, ok these two are catchy in there own way. With X-Men you don't even need words in the song to know that they're about to kick ass for today's episode. I can see Teen Titans being a show that is remembered by this current generation once it gets all old and forgotten, but in the end there's no comparison. What fucks up the Teen Titans is this heavily borrowing from anime thing -- I have nothing against anime, personally I like some of it, but America is getting lazy. If the newer cartoons these days are not (dare I call it) "Ameri-anime" then it's actual anime from Japan getting brought over here and being dubbed badly. No one sits down and draws action cartoons the way they used too anymore.

Now see that was totally fair because they're both cartoons for the same age group and they're both shows about a team of heroes. So pish posh to you naysayers.

Ok here's were we switch it up and I'll use anime here to proove a point. Remember how I said girls didn't get many action shows aimed at them? Well, here's were it all changed.. In '91 they brought over the greatest shoujo (girl) anime EVAR, Sailor Moon, but what makes this a special case is that Sailor Moon in most cases was the first anime any girl had seen at the time. Even more of a kicker was the fact that guys liked the show as well, because lets face it, pretty girls using super powers in short skirts with them being nakie during transformations it was a well needed break from the buldging musles and masculine growls lol.. And for girls it was nice to know that yeah we can kick ass too and look cool doing it. Anime is pretty much the norm now, but back then it was a totally new experience for most of us.

Yeah, here's Totally Spies...

Again, no comparison. And the match up is fair yet again since TS is anime inspired and about girls fighting evil. Sailor Moon had a catchy beat that, you didn't even have to be a fan of the show, you still knew some part of it. The characters were dynamic and interesting, TS def had/has(whatever) potenial but it just doesn't try hard enough -- the shit is just stupid and annoying and, seriously, do we need anymore stupid and annoying girls in this world especially of the valley breed?

Anyway, in conclusion, The "Echo Boom Generation" (people born 1982–1993) are most likely to remember the above though I'd say the early 80's kids would've been old enough to enjoy the other deeper things involved with some of the cartoons listed.  So breathe in the nostalgia, some of us may feel pretty old when you look back on it I'm 20 and I feel old as dirt when I think about all the fun things I enjoyed when I was a teeny bopper, but I have pride knowing my generation beats the living the shit out of the present one, keep the retroness alive lol.

See ya next time. =D

Editor's Note From Paq: To visit Pamela's myspace (where these rants appear first) you can go here. Although I might as well throw her on staff officially.. but that's another debate for another day lol