October 5th, 2007
What is it about zombie movies that just continuously fascinates people?
I could see the hoopla when they first came around and found some popularity in the late 60's through the 80's starting with George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead. Wow, dead people coming back to life -- now that was a great idea. However, it eventually got stale and we didn't really see any real advancements in the zombie flick genre for a hot minute.
Then games like Resident Evil got popular in the mid 90's and we saw some kind of innovation with 28 Days Later in 2003 (2002 for the fine folks across the pond). I'm pretty positive this was the first time the undead were able to run. I'm sorry, but I think I could take on a block of the standard, slow moving zombies if, God forbid, it were to ever go down like that. It's called getting in my car and driving the fuck off lol.
However, as horrendous as my cardio is (trust me, it's absolutely horrible), I'm lucky to get down the street with these new age mofos trying to eat me. Unless it was Rosario Dawson in zombie form.
That'd be an honorable death in my horny honest opinion. I'd even butter myself up and sprinkle some oregeno on my dick for such a joyous occassion.
Anyways, my point is we now have athletic zombies. Awesome. In the last seven years we've gotten Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead (later this year if it doesn't get delayed), Land of the Dead, several Resident Evil films, Shaun of the Dead, and maybe a few more I'm forgetting.
They all have the same plot, though -- a virus outbreak in a town reanimates the dead and makes them hungry for the tangy, delectable flesh of the living while a few survivors shoot, stab, and blaze their way to safety only to leave the audience hanging when a straggler zombie or two pops up in the supposed sanctuary. Poof. Fade to black. Cut, print it! Start writing the sequel!
Yawn. I want something new. I want something fresh. I want... I want...
ZOMBIES ON A PLANE!! Yes folks, I want Flight of the Living Dead (or as it's also known, Plane Dead).
If you're wondering if you missed this in the theaters, you can stop because this was a straight to DVD release. Or in my case, a straight to Jerome's hard drive release. I saw the commercial for it on Sci-Fi last week and just had to download it because it was so ridiculous and boldly original in it's concept. Well, okay, so it totally swagger jacked Snakes on a Plane... but get real, snakes aren't that scary in the long run, especially when compared to frickin' zombies.
So the basic plot is the same as every other zombie flick, but I'll elaborate a little further for the inquiring minds. A mad scientist mucked with a strand of Malaria while trying to come up with a way to bring the dead back to life. The government found out about his work and shut his company down, so he tried to flee the country by boarding a plane to Paris. In the cargo area is a controlled climate coffin that holds the body of a fellow female scientist who just so happens to be infected with the new virus, most likely as a test subject. A guard in a biohazard suit is sitting down near it armed with a gun incase some shit goes down.
The plane hits a rough patch in the sky causing some heavy turbulence and the cables going to the coffin break and some heavy luggage falls onto the guard's leg, brutally severing it. The top of the coffin opens and -- BOO! IT'S A HUMAN! GOTCHA, BITCHES!
Somehow she's still alive, but very sick. She lets the audience know this by doing some horrible fake crying while holding her head and repeating "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEEEEE?!". Ugh. Gay/cross dressing YouTuber Chris Crocker should teach this ho how to cry like she means it.
She tries to get the guard to help her, but the dumbass shoots her to death. Poof, she's in zombie mode and slowly most of the plane becomes infected as well. What followed from here was crappy CGI, some of the shittiest logic I've seen out side of pro wrestling and Passions, and rushed characterization. If you call throwing in a metrosexual criminal, a hippy cop or two, general honry teenager horror movie fodder, slutty flight attendants, and a bootleg Tiger Woods and his wife "characterization".
|
