You guys know the basics of Transformers already -- it's the Autobots vs the Decepticons raging war against each other. With a movie like this, I wouldn't have cared to have a plot because we're not seeing it to bare witness to riveting acting skills and plot twists -- we're all here to see straight up pwnage between aliens that transform into cars and other vehicles afterall, but since you can't seriously expect a movie to 120 minutes of pure pwnage (then again, I have yet to see Live Free or Die Hard).

The story that is here works flawlessly -- Sam Witwicky, played by Shia LaBeouf (I, Robot, Disturbia, and Even Stevens on Disney), gets his very first car -- a rusted old '77 Camaro, which obviously turns out to be an Autobot (Bumblebee). Even though he has a car, he still wants to get money and get a hot girl (what guy doesn't? lol).

For the money, he's trying to sell his great-great grandfather's belongings on eBay with no luck. Turns out his great-great grandfather, Archibald Witwicky, was an explorer who stumbled across Decepticon leader Megatron's frozen body after falling through ice. By accident, Witwicky reactivated Megatron's navigational system which imprinted the location of the Allspark (a relic that can bring mechanical objects to life) on his glasses, something Sam has been trying to hawk off online for chump change lately.

This places Sam in the middle of an already bitter battle between the two feuding factions. The Decepticons want to use the Allspark to end the world as we know it (imagine a dildo coming to life to kill your girlfriend or your PS2 eating your face) and the Autobots, lead by Optimus Prime, exist to prevent it. What ensues after that bit of plot is ironed out is literally the best movie I've ever seen in my 21 years of living on this earth.

The CGI is so good in this film, there's not a single moment where you're like "oh, that's computer animated". I had that feeling with all three Spider-Man films, as well as The Hulk, but in Transformers it's incredibly realistic to the point you just stop thinking about it being a special effect and allow yourself to get immersed into this world. Still images online do not do this movie justice -- seeing this movie will indeed give you an eyegasm of epic proportions. Sure, it'll look lame in 10 years, but for RIGHT NOW, this is easily the undisputed best looking movie of all time.

Even though I wasn't much of a Transformers fan, I was so giddy during this movie I was shaking in my seat because I couldn't scream with joy or jump up and down in excitement. Wrestling fans refer to this as "marking out". It's usually when your favorite character does their signature catch phrase or mannerism and you go crazy for it -- and boy did I mark the FUCK OUT for this shit lol. I say this with all masculinity -- I damn near cried when Optimus showed up on screen for the first time and spoke. I was just so overwhelmed with emotion that they didn't fuck this up lol. And again, I'm not even a Transformers buff! I imagine the die-hards sharted themselves before they passed out when that happened. Peter Cullen (the voice of Prime) is seriously like the voice of God (although I'm in the camp that thinks God is female.... and Black, but oh well).

Speaking of the die-hard contingent of Transformers fans, some were so displeased with some of the changes to the film (like Megatron's overhaul, Bumblebee being a new model Camaro versus a Beetle, adding flames to Optimus), that they sent Michael Bay death threats. Are you serious? Do these geek boys seriously expect the movie to be a $150 million version of the 80s cartoon to a T? Get real! Do you they know how lame it would look if all of them kept their boxy ass, retro look? It's 2007, not 1987, and I don't give a crap what you grew up with, certain things have to change to avoid being hokey. I'm probably the biggest Ninja Turtles nut in Northeast Columbia, SC and you don't see me griping about how they changed up their slang to fit today's standards.

The changes made for this movie were awesome and I challenge any nay sayer to view the film first before spewing their hateful venom marred with typographical errors and profane language on YouTube video comments. However, I do find it humorous that a concept that originated in Japan gets brought to life using nothing but American made cars haha (almost all of them from GM). Oh well, that bit of product placement saved them $3 million, and it's not that big of a deal really, so it's all good.

And speaking of product placement, anyone else notice that gratuitous plug for Furby dolls in the final battle? Furbys are made by Hasbro (the same company that made the iconic Transformers figures), so oh well -- what do you expect? Other products I noticed, other than the cars, was the Xbox 360 (complete with the start up sound), Nokia cell phones, and other electronics I can't remember off the top of my head. The movie is seriously one long, expensive ass advertisement for a lot of things. One reviewer said it was the longest car commercial he's ever seen lol. Still, it's no where near the same league as "Josie and the Pussycats" as far as blatant marketing is concerned. They really slipped these in there.

Wow. That's all I can say about this movie. Transformers is the very definition of "summer blockbuster" and was the most fun I've ever had at a theater in my life. For a awhile I was questioning why theaters are still around when movie studios can save an ass load of money just doing straight to DVD releases or hop on the digital download bandwagon, but this answered my question ten times over. Transformers just isn't a movie, it's the motion picture event of our lifetime. This is our Star Wars. 40 years from now when we're old and farty, we'll look back on this summer and say "I saw this in the theaters". Hopefully I'll be on VH1 for "I Love 2007" by then haha.

Kids will most definitely enjoy the action, but I lost count on the amount of adult jokes in this lol. There isn't much cussing, but it exists and it's appropriate given the circumstances of seeing 40 foot robots destroy city blocks... And that's part of the charm of Transformers at the end of the day. It can be a comedy, a romance film, a kids movie, and an action flick all at the same time without tripping over it's own two feet at any point.

It's so damn good, it's the first movie I've ever even considered paying to see over again during it's theatrical run. You need to see this movie right now if you haven't and if you're reading this a year later, pick up the DVD. Don't rent it, don't download the bootleg, BUY IT. Simply put -- Best. Movie. Ever.