March 20th, 2008

For the uninitiated -- which might very well be all of you reading this, BET's College Hill show is essentially an all-black version of MTV's The Real World -- simple enough?

The show has been airing in regular cycles for the past few years, prosperously filling a niche that was previously devoid of any kind of occucpancy on television. Well, give or take the one or two unfairly stereotypical black people MTV casts on their show every season to add drama to mix. Now we have eight! The more (to quote The Boondocks) "nigga moments" possible, the better! People acting ghetto = RATINGS! Right? Riiiight?! *waits for dap*

Season five of College Hill is taking place in Atlanta and in true Real World style, one girl and one guy meet up with each other in different locations before they're taken to their pimply pad in hopes they'll add some sexual tension to the mix.

Yes, there is an equal male to female ratio. This is a clever ploy by the producers in hopes they all have an orgy or something. So, without further ado, here are the cast members:

	Shavon, an Atlanta native majoring in fashion (that's a major?), is a damned mess. She says she's not a neat freak and it's pretty obvious by the footage of her room they filmed -- it's a mo' fuggin' landfill! That's not cool at all. I bet Osama Bin Laden is hiding out under that clutter. Definitely not wifey material, guys.
	Hey Anthony, 1997 called. They want their hairstyle back. Anyways, this R&B group reject attends Clark University and majors in Mass Media Arts. His girlfriend of almost two years, Asia, is paranoid as all hell that he's going to be living with four other women. I never understand why people go on reality shows while they're in a relationship because that shit never pans out well lol.
	The first of the two Ashley's this season is a marketing major at Georgia State University. She also does some side work as a professional model. She's definitely the finest chick I've seen come on this show and if I was in the house I'd most likely use my cunning Paq charm (ladies, you know I got it lol) to get with her. Yeah, she has a boyfriend named Michael, but who cares? You're back on the market when you're on a reality show as far as I'm concerned lol. Ashley says "there will be no cheating" but you already know what's up.
	Another marketing major, Dru fills in the stereotypical rapper guy spot. Look at him writing lyrics with a pen like a dumbass. There's a laptop right there -- ever hear of NOTEPAD? Gawd! He says he has a rap career, but with "genius" rhymes like "I'm doing these shows, I'm fucking these hoes" I don't think it's going to last much longer. He's also very homophobic as you'll find out later in the recap.
	WE GOT A HOMETOWN BOY IN THE HOUSE!! Yes folks, this guy if from Columbia, SC lol. Dennis is a freshman attending Morehouse College and majors in psychology. He loves to dance and says he'll start doing it anywhere in the middle of anything. Hrm, I wonder if he's taking a piss and feels the need to bust a move, if he'll start b-boyin' right there. Way to rep my city you fuck.
	Sira, a finance major at Georgia State, is from West Africa, yet sounds like a frickin' cheerleader from the valley. How is that even possible? She also speaks three langauages.. I'm confused lol.
	Dorion is a sophomore majoring in mass media at Clark Atlanta University. He says a lot of folks don't know what to make of him when they first meet him because he's different that a lot of black men his age. Dru automatically thinks he's a tad "sweet" and tries to steer clear of him on the ride to the house.
	The second Ashley on the show is a Business Management major at Georgia State University. She's a party girl and works as a go-go dancer. Dorion also knows her from modeling on a clothing line with her in the past. What a small world lol.

So they all finally get to the house and get their room assignments. Life (or the producers) has a cruel and twisted sense of humor, so Dorion and Dru end up rooming together. Check out this fruity pic Dorion hung up in his room:

And in what should make for interesting TV, girls are rooming with guys so you know some freakery is going to happen down the road -- especially with a room in the house devoted to sex lube and toys. BET is trying hard lol.

The cast goes clubbing later that night and the girls aren't feelin' that the fellas are getting mad groupie love. I guess girls will grind with you if you got a whole camera crew following you everywhere, eh?